We’ve been talking on this blog about figuring out what to do when your relationship reaches The Brink. When your marriage gets to this point of crisis, and you have to make decisions you’ll live with for the rest of your life, what are you going to focus on?

You can fix your attention on the problems that brought you to this point, but if you want to save your relationship, this strategy will probably backfire. You and your partner might be able to get over those issues-make some changes, forgive and forget a little-but then you’re likely to spend as much time nursing wounds as mending fences. Trying to fix problems might seem logical but it’s one of the most common mistakes people make at The Brink. If you need some marriage help, you need an effective “save marriage” strategy, one that’s not problem fixated because what brought you together was not your love of problems.

Instead you could start remembering why you both came together in the first place. You can find out whether you’re still ready and willing to bring back the lovers and friends you were.  You can decide to go back for more of the best you used to have.

Don’t worry about whether you’re able to do this-you haven’t lost who you were. Maybe you’ve been eclipsed by the distractions and accumulations of daily life. And yes, there’s more to you now, experiences and other changes, but you never stopped being you.

Do you want to rediscover what you may have been overlooking in your relationship for a while?  The qualities that were once precious to you, the things that used to hold the two of you together?

You can look back and remember what life together felt like back then. This helps you remember what you want to reclaim. The special moments you laughed about, or smiled privately about. Nicknames you used to use, or favorite places you used to go. All the things that marked your relationship as unique in the world.

It’s helpful to reclaim all that. You remember, you recognize, and then you can reclaim everything that brought you both together. Once you do, next you have to look forward. Turn your best memories into your future.

When you’re a couple at The Brink, it’s time to make decisions that will last. It’s a good time to plan ways to revive what made you a great couple, a successful marriage.  It’s good to put that past ahead of you.

Now look ahead to getting it back. If you consider that marriage counseling can help you get where you need to be to achieve this, look for couples counseling and family therapy professionals who understand you needs.

- Paul Maione, Ph.D., and Melissa Bridges, M.S., family therapists

www.couplesonthebrink.com

Every relationship that deeply matters to both partners will reach The Brink sometimes.

Many people feel afraid when they reach The Brink because they were hoping to avoid it. They want to make choices, but not under so much pressure.

But there are advantages to being here. For one, the view from The Brink is great.

The Brink is a gift. From here we can see what really matters. Seeing clearly what we have at risk, what we stand to lose, shows us the worth of what we already have. This is why we need to pay attention, need to keep our eyes wide open, when we’re here on The Brink.

The Brink is a point of decisions-necessary decisions. This is where we can decide with clarity whether to protect what’s precious to us, whether to reclaim what was ours, or to move on. Whatever decisions we make at The Brink, we can make them with much greater insight and confidence than we could before.

What do you do when your relationship reaches The Brink? Do you give yourselves one more chance to reclaim what brought the two of you together in the first place? For this, you have to be willing to look beyond current problems. You have to get in touch with parts of you and your partner that you’ve lost sight of.

You have to be willing to learn-and relearn-who you both are. Then you can see whether or not you are both prepared to make your relationship work.

Do you want to know for sure what to do about your relationship at its time of crisis? Step up to The Brink. Distractions and illusions can quickly fall away. Look at what’s really happening between you. You can remember who you really are, not just who you think each other have become. At The Brink, you have the greatest insight and ability to do something about your relationship.

As professionals who have practiced marriage counseling for many years, we find that we can save marriages when couples accept that they need marriage help. If you feel that couples counseling can help you, you are already looking past the problems you face and are ready to revitalize your life through your relationship.

- Paul Maione, Ph.D., and Melissa Bridges, M.S., family therapists

www.couplesonthebrink.com

Welcome to a new kind of discussion about divorce.

This blog is dedicated to helping people on the brink of divorce-helping them find the options they need to make the best long-range choices.

The thoughts we post here support the innovative mission of our therapists at Couples on the Brink. We provide intensive sessions for partners who need to take definite, lasting action in their relationships. Our clients want to discover whether they can prevent themselves from taking up the lasting burdens and disappointments of divorce.

As therapists who specialize in couple’s work, we find that most divorces are unnecessary. We want to reverse the divorce epidemic. Our sessions support the conviction that people want to reclaim their strength and values before it’s too late. This blog is another way of supporting this message. Our work provides marriage counseling that can save marriages as long as clients will accept marriage help.

All healthy couples reach The Brink at some point. It can be painful and stressful and it can sap your hope. But it doesn’t mean having to live in misery or getting divorced.   Marriages that survive and thrive are able to meet the challenges of The Brink head on.

Arriving at The Brink is a necessary stage in every long-term relationship. It shows us what issues need work and what we’ve neglected. The difference between a couple that stays together at The Brink and a couple that breaks up is knowing what to do at the point of crisis-then doing it.

The couple that grows stronger at the Brink is a couple that doesn’t waste opportunities.

One key to success at The Brink is deciding that you shouldn’t wait to reclaim what’s central to your life. Reverse direction by making inspired, intelligent changes. Do it before you both create any more pain and damage.

Splitting up costs everyone dearly in many ways. Most marriages benefit from every effort to work things out and stay together.  Couples counseling can save you time and pain, but even if you’re not ready for that, join us in the conversation here. Let’s talk about preserving what’s most precious. Let’s talk about making the most of what couples can have together.

I hope you’re asking, “Who do they think they are to tell me anything about my relationship?” Come to www.couplesonthebrink.com to find out more about us. And use this blog to talk back to us. Let’s look at this together. And let’s share the courage to make inspired decisions by taking advantage of the view from The Brink. We can look at ways to resolve severe relationship difficulties instead of dwelling on them. Then we can get on with enjoying the best of our lives.

- Paul Maione, Ph.D., and Melissa Bridges, M.S., family therapists

www.couplesonthebrink.com